Finding Joy Within a Cancer Battle

During my cancer battle, I recall going in to get my chemo treatment which I knew to be exhausting but necessary.  I would try to muster up the courage to continue fighting my cancer battle one chemo round at a time.  Although thoughts of desperation and anguish would sometimes fill my head to the point that they would overwhelm me with sorrow I would try to escape by going to sleep to get some relief. Also knowing that I was surrounded by love helped but it couldn’t take away the changes in my physical self that were happening as a result of the chemo.  Thoughts of sadness and depression constantly consumed my mind and body.  In the middle of these thoughts, I would turn to God via prayer for help and guidance. I immediately felt God would shine some clarity and would give me strength to keep fighting another day.  The clarity came through in the form of my family who advised me that I should get out of the house when I could and try to find some joy.

Joy literally died for me the same day I received my cancer diagnosis and since then I never thought it would ever revive in me again. I so desperately longed to feel joy at the core of my being, but I was in the middle of my cancer battle so how can I break away? My cancer battle was quickly turning into a war and my life was at stake. What if I lose, would I have lost it all for nothing?  What could I possibly do in my condition that would bring me joy and not put my life in jeopardy?Suddenly a thought entered my mind like a bolt of lightning, go to the movies, I thought that’s’ the ticket to finding my joy.  Excited that I found something, I told some of my friends about going to the movies to find a little joy. Most were happy for me while others expressed their disagreement by saying going to the movies really, that is so boring. Also,you already watch movies at home when you can.  I didn’t let their negative comments influence me. I told the one person besides God that loved me unconditionally and supported me every step of the way, my mom. Immediately I saw a smile in her face and she said, well that could be fun, what movie would you like to see.  I remember looking up the coming attracting and checking the movie’s release date. We decided that it would be best to wait until the movie had been in theater for 2-3 weeks to avoid the large crowds of movie goers. I was so excited I could hardly wait. Finally, when the time came, my mom and I went to go see the first matinee showing to ensure there wasn’t a lot of people attending plus we also got the tickets at a discount price so it was a win win situation all around.  I couldn’t believe that we almost had the whole theater to ourselves, with fresh popcorn and surround sound. For the duration of the film, I would forget everything that I was going through and I would just emerge myself into the movie.  For that brief moment in time, I was living through the charters and the plot of the movie. I felt no physical or mental pain. All was right in the world, I actually felt JOY! At the end of the movie, I was so relaxed and felt a sense of joy and happiness that I would literally forget for that moment that I was a going through a cancer battle as a cancer patient.

Even in the midst of a battle, it is possible to find your joy in life.  Don’t wait until later because later is not guaranteed.  Joy is different for each one of us so do what brings joy to you, within what you are able to do.  I had some restrictions in my given condition, but it didn’t mean I didn’t find an outlet such as the movies to bring some joy back into my life.

#Joy