I recall that during my cancer battle I was faced with several very difficult moments. One of my most difficult moments in my cancer journey was when I was faced with test results that indicated that I still had cancer. Although all studies from other patients with my type of cancer and treatment, indicated that I was supposed to be cancer-free I was not. I was crushed and devasted once more with this terrible news. I couldn’t understand why all these tragedies kept happening to me all at the same time. The doctors tried to reassure me that there were still some very limited options for me to try. One of the options put on the table for me to consider was bone marrow transplant. In order to be considered for this procedure, I needed to take a series of tests to show the probability of me surviving. As I was taking the different tests, one of the medical professionals, don’t quite recall who at the moment, told me that after receiving full body chemo and radiation, I would get the transplant and experience a period of time without an immune system. Basically, my immune system would be mostly destroyed and the new stem cells would make up most of the immune system after transplant. The details are fussy but I believe it was like up to 21 days that I would be at high risk of infections due to very low levels of white blood cells. Needless to say, this was a very terrifying process for me to consider. I felt like I was standing on very shaky ground on top of a mountain where anything could send me over the edge and I would fall to my death. Troubled by all the agonizing fear I decided to turn to God like I had done many times before.
That night after going through numerous tests, I prayed to God for guidance on which path to take. I had two choices on the table, with one being a bone marrow transplant that had extremely high success results but equally high-risk of death. I recall praying especially hard because infections had been my nightmare during the beginning of my cancer battle. Thoughts ran through my mind as I fell asleep. I recall having a dream were I clearly saw myself in a clean room in the hospital bed after going through the bone marrow transplant procedure. Suddenly in the dream I recall hearing the nurses tell the doctor “She has pneumonia.” I then see the doctor read the test results that indicated I still didn’t have an immune system. Then I saw myself dying from pneumonia in my dream.
I woke up in terror as the dream felt so real. Was my mind playing tricks on me? I thought since pneumonia was a possibility discussed with me due to the scar tissue left behind from the tumor. Or was this vivid dream giving me some divine insight from God. I knew that I had prayed a heartfelt prayer right before going to bed therefore, I took it as a sign from God giving me the guidance, I needed to make the right choice for me. When I went to finish the rest of the test and they further explained the bone marrow transplant procedure in detail, they started talking about being in a clean room. Excuse my ignorance, but prior to this conversation, I had no idea what a clean room was or that it even existed in hospitals. Suddenly my dream came flashing back and I thought “Oh, my goodness gracious, did God show me what would happen via my dream? Was this a look into the future if I went through with the bone marrow transplant? I had not seen the doctor yet but I knew whole heartedly even more than when I woke up in the morning that this was not the option for me. I decided that I was not going to do the bone marrow transplant as my course of treatment. I didn’t know what the future had in store for me but I was sure of one thing. With God eternal love and guidance, I would always stay in the right path for me.
Thanks to the grace of God, he guided me towards the right decision for myself and I am alive and well to tell my story today. We are all faced with difficult decisions regarding ourselves or loved ones in our daily lives. If you ever find yourself needing to make a tough decision, turn to God for guidance and listen to what God is telling you. God leads us in the right direction always.