I try to put it all behind me and live each day with the present moment in mind. In the back of my mind, I know the challenges that I have endured and the possibilities of a reoccurrence or developing another type of cancer or illness. During the times of my follow-up visits, this was the prevailing thoughts that occupied my mind which caused me to be a wreck. The painful thoughts of the past come to the forefront during these periods of time which caused me to feel anguish when my check-up was around the corner.
These were my internal thoughts that I had not expressed to anyone else because I did not want to worry anybody else or make them think that I was feeling symptoms indicative of cancer. The thoughts had become too much for my mind to handle which caused me to finally speak of my fears. As I spoke my words of fear to my mom, I felt a sense of relief come over me. These thoughts were no longer bottled up in my mind and body, the chains had been broken. As my mom told me, these were thoughts and feelings of fear. I was allowing fear to take over my mind and body which was causing me to feel anxious. Why was I afraid? During my darkest moments in my cancer battle, I was not alone, God was there for me. I needed to let go of my fear and stay in faith that all would continue to be well.