Resisting Change

At the beginning of my cancer journey, as my tumor grew bigger and bigger, my blood pressure started to skyrocket.  The tumor was pressing on my superior vena cava which carries blood from the heart to the head, neck, arms and chest.  At the top level, it was compressing on my lungs; therefore, I unable to catch my breath and required the use of oxygen.  As if that was not enough, I had the added bonus, that my tumor liked punching me internally.  Well, at least this the only way I can describe it as it is how I felt the experience was to me.  During this period in time, I was unaware that the reason for my tumor was due to my body developing what is known as primary mediastinal non-Hodgkinโ€™s lymphoma.  Honestly all I knew is that I couldnโ€™t breathe on my own and I felt like my heart was going to explode at any second. It was the single most terrifying feeling I had ever experienced in my life up until that point. 

Another thing I experienced during this phase in my cancer journey, was that I could not sleep lying down on the bed because the tumor would further press on my heart and lungs which was unbearable to say the least. In the hospital, I always had the hospital bed upwards in an almost chair like position which is the only way I could actually sleep. Way before my cancer journey began, I always had a hard time falling asleep or even attempt to try to sleep in a chair because it was very uncomfortable to me. Now however, it seemed like my body had quickly embraced this new way of sleeping in a chair like position without giving it a second thought like it was the most comfortable thing ever. Needless to say, that my sleeping arrangements when I was back home changed drastically. I would either sleep sitting down on a chair or in a bit of an incline in a recliner. Thankfully, after the first chemo treatment, I no longer needed oxygen which was a huge relief. Sadly, however I still was unable to sleep lying down on the bed because the tumor would press down too much on the heart which triggered my blood pressure to elevate even higher and produce feelings of lightheadedness, dizziness and overwhelming feelings of discomfort. In other words, it was simply horrible. After the third chemo round, I was finally able to sleep better with only a bit of an elevation with pillows on the bed. Thereafter, around the 5th chemo round, I was able to sleep on my bed without all the extra pillows, it was wonderful yet strange. I had gotten used to sleeping on the recliner, but it was time to return to my bed.

Thinking back on it today still gives me chills. Thank God gave me the courage and strength to endure every stage in my cancer journey.


  One thought on “Resisting Change

  1. April 28, 2022 at 10:24 am

    When I had my left ovary removed back in 2015 due to endometriosis, I slept in the recliner for almost a month. For the second time in my life I had been cut from belly button to pelvic bone…I wasn’t supposed to go up and down stairs and it hurt too bad climbing in and out of bed. Even getting out of the chair hurt, but was bearable compared to the bed. (The first time I had ovarian cancer removed in 1995, which is why they cut me open in 2015…they thought the cancer may have come back, even though it was rare for it to come back after 20 years. Thank goodness it was endometriosis, but I would’ve dealt with it if it had been cancer.)
    I’ve always slept with at least two pillows due to allergies/sinus drainage.
    Thank you for sharing your story!

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 28, 2022 at 6:35 pm

      Thank you as well for sharing your story!
      I’m so happy to hear that it was not a relapse, but I can imagine endometriosis is no picnic.

      Actually due to my 1st major car accident, that took place before my cancer, diagnosis I developed an ovarian cyst on the outside of my right ovary. Consequently they had to remove my entire right ovary therefore, I can relate to the cut from the belly button to the pelvic bone and the pain & discomfort that comes with it.

      Again thank you so much for your support and sharing your story.

      I truely appreciate it & I wholeheartedly wish you infinite years of celebration as a cancer survivor!๐Ÿ’๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿฅณ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. April 28, 2022 at 11:59 pm

    I will never know your discomfort, can only imagine…but it has made me decide to be more resilient when faced with ‘discomforts’ of my own! Thanks for sharing. You have alot of courage! ๐Ÿ˜Ž

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 29, 2022 at 7:33 am

      Hi thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement and support. It continually amazes me how resilient we can be when faced with adversity. I read a saying long ago that reads “God never gives you more than you can handle” and wow I think all of us can handle quite a lot lol. Thank you again for your support. Hope you have a wonderful day!๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿงก

      Liked by 1 person

  3. April 30, 2022 at 3:57 pm

    Thank you for providing so many details about this ordeal. Your effort to keep moving forward is positively heroic!

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 30, 2022 at 9:54 pm

      Hi Lillian thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement and support. I really appreciate it. I honestly never thought of myself as being heroic. I just thank God for giving me the courage, strength and the miracle of defying the odds and getting to live as a cancer survivor . Thanks again for all your support. Hope you have a wonderful weekend! ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘โค๐Ÿ™

      Liked by 1 person

  4. May 19, 2022 at 3:00 pm

    You are a hero. God bless you and rest you from the painful and terrifying journey you’ve been on.

    Liked by 1 person

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