Life Beyond Cancer: Unanswered Prayers

A new day was upon me where I was not only alive, but it was a time of victory over my long cancer battle.  I had completed all my cancer treatments; therefore, it was a time of celebration not only for this great accomplishment but also for all the possibilities that were unfolding before me.  The possibility of life beyond cancer was a thrilling idea because it meant it was a new beginning and things were about to change for me.

It was a new chapter in my life and I was ready to strive my best to be the best version of myself.  As the days passed, I started to feel better, I was regaining my energy levels and having my hair grow back. This meant I was ready to face the world.  It was time to go back to work.  I was very blessed that my employer at the time accepted me back in a similar position to the one I had prior to my cancer battle.  Due to the aggressiveness of the cancer and treatments, I was unable to work during this period of time.  My employer asked for me to get a doctor’s release to be approved to return to work. I scheduled an appointment to speak with my doctor to get the release note needed.  When I went for the appointment, my oncologist was happy that I was excited to return to work but he told me that I should go back only on a part-time basis to see how I felt before he would give me the release note to go back on a full-time basis.  I told him that I felt ready to go back on a full-time basis, but he did not budge at all.  I was extremely disappointed that I didn’t get the release note I was seeking.  Why?  I know my body better than he does and I felt strong enough, but unfortunately, I could not change my situation.  I returned to work the following week on Monday morning and I was told based upon doctor’s release note that I would only be working in the morning for four hours each day.  I was directed to my new work station and began to get reacquainted with everyone and my job duties.  About two hours into my shift, I started to feel extremely fatigued and in pain.  In order to regain my strength, I decided to change gears and sit down at my work station and start to read policies.  Oh, my goodness gracious, I was experiencing chemo brain, I could not retain any information.  Before the end of my first four-hour shift back to work, I was done and ready to go home.  When I got home, I tried to pretend like returning to work was a breeze, but my mom could see right through me.  Besides being my mother, she was also my main caregiver therefore she knew me extremely well.  She told me, “Aren’t you happy that you returned only on a part-time basis.”  This was an understatement, this was as hard as any challenging day during my cancer battle.  I was not prepared to experience difficulty in my return to my life.  

You can’t always get what you want in life, but if you pay attention you will soon realize that God always gives you what you need.  I felt it as a rejection that my doctor did not give me the release note that I was seeking, but I was actually being given what I needed at the time.  This was a blessing that made all of the difference at this moment in time.  This day brought me a new joy, for I learned that I had my plans, but God had a better plan for me to help me through the difficulties I would face in returning to work and my post cancer life.  If you look back in your life, every time you thought you were being rejected, you were actually being re-directed to something better. Look at your life now and ask yourself do I have what I want or do I have what I need?

#LifePlan

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