Guardian Angels Undercover

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I was given my first chemo treatment at the hospital and after one day of observation to see how I handled the treatment, I was going to be released to go home.  During my discharge, I was finally able to breath on my own without oxygen but I was still very weak and sick from the chemo treatment.  The doctor went over so many instructions for medications that needed to be filled, temperature checks, nutrition information, second treatment appointment location among many other things as well as when to call or go to the emergency room.  It was all very overwhelming and my reaction to the first chemo treatment was causing me to lose concentration; therefore, I was not able to retain any information.  Thankfully, my mom was with me and she asked the doctor questions and made sure that she understood all the information being given before leaving the hospital.  To be candid, I feel so blessed to have had my mom there with me because I could not have done it without her.

During my challenging fight with cancer, I was blessed to have my guardian angel watching over me, right here on earth, my mother.  She was my caregiver and my rock through each step of my cancer journey.  Believe me, it was tough for me to see everything she was doing to help me through this battle.  At times, the chemo side effects were debilitating and I couldn’t move from the bed.  She would take me to all my treatments, make sure I was drinking enough water, taking medications prescribed, prepared my meals, and would clean everything to prevent infections.  Actually, in the beginning of my cancer journey, I could not sleep on the bed lying down because the tumor was compressing on the lungs and heart; therefore, I would sleep sitting down on a recliner chair therefore, she would constantly check my vitals and made sure I was breathing.  Towards the end of my cancer journey when I was told that my chemo regime was no longer working and a different more aggressive chemo treatment would be administered, she was there by my side and told me that I was strong enough to fight through it.  The first dose of this chemo treatment caused for me to feel numbness throughout my body. I felt as if I was falling into the abyss and there was nothing to stop me.  I honestly felt as if I was dying and that I had been defeated by Cancer. My mom saw right through me as if she knew exactly how I was feeling. She sat next to me and encouraged me to fight because God had greater plans for me. She also said that if I would give up and decided to die then she would let herself go too. Her words were so impactful that I decided to sit up on the edge of my bed and force myself to drink water to try to have my body wake up from the numbness and react.  After what seemed like an eternity I was finally able to get up very slowly and try to walk.  I did not have any feeling in my body but I knew that I was walking because I was slowly moving.  At one point I hit myself against the bed. I only knew this because I heard a loud thud and my mom asked me if I was ok. I did not feel a thing. After some time passed I finally started to feel the numbness subside from my body.  Up to that point I had never really acknowledged how we take the most basic things for granted like the ability to feel anything. This like many other things I experienced during my cancer battle were eye opening.  Also, I acknowledged that I was very blessed that through each step of my journey, my mom was there by my side.

As I remember these difficult times in my life, I feel great sadness in my heart. Mostly because my mom is no longer alive, but I know she is still watching over me from heaven.  To be honest, she is one of the reasons why I have started to share my cancer story.  With every blog entry I write I relive the most difficult and precious moments of my life because we faced them together. Before my cancer battle my mom and I were not very close. I feel that this experience brought us closer together than ever before. This blog is dedicated to my wonderful mother whom I miss greatly and to all the caregivers out there.  God bless you and thank you!


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