After receiving my cancer diagnosis, I went through an array of emotions and thoughts that overwhelmed me and brought on an extreme feeling of fear. Fear consumed me as I was facing my mortality, but I decided that cancer was not going to end my life’s journey. I decided to fight the biggest fight of my life. I was going to face my fears and confront this cancer head on. I was ready to start my cancer battle. With this in mind after the first round of chemo, I said come on let’s go I got this or so I thought.
I was administered the first round of chemo and I felt strong and I had a great outlook. Actually, I recall telling my mother that chemo was not bad like I had seen in the tv or on movies. I didn’t feel bad at all, I was feeling positive and confident that I was going to win this fight. Little did I know that just after 2 hours of finishing my treatment, I was going to feel like I was hit by a train. I felt extremely sick, I started to vomit, sweat, have chills, fever, weakness all over my body. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced before in my life. It was until this moment that I thought this must be what it feels like to be dying. As I went through the after effects of chemo, aka the side effects, I was not feeling so strong or positive anymore and the feelings of fear started to invade my thoughts again. I didn’t feel strong enough to go through the cancer battle after facing what I thought were the worst side effects of chemo. Little did I know at this time, that this was just the tip of the giant iceberg that I was about to collide with. The side effects were about to get worse and worse as I continued to take each chemo treatment. During my battle with cancer, besides feeling physically defeated, I also felt mentally overwhelmed. I went through feelings of self-pity and feeling anger towards God, to praying to God and asking God for help and guidance. It was like my mind was in a roller coaster ride of thoughts and emotions. One minute I was up and the next I was down. At times, fear would consume me completely, I felt paralyzed. Then I reminded myself that I had to face my fears with every challenging cancer phase knowing that God is at the throne and that HE is the one who has the last word. This affirmation would make my fears just melt away. I learned that I needed to stop allowing negative thoughts and feelings of fear consume my mind and body. I mean how could I ever beat cancer if I was not speaking victory over it. I needed to change my thoughts that were filled with doubt and fear to positive thoughts that spoke victory over my cancer. I needed to not only say the words but to actually mean them and feel deep down in my soul that I was going to have victory over my cancer. I needed to change my mindset and think of positive thoughts, release my burdens from my shoulders and place them onto God. I am guilty of trying to handle things on my own and that is what I tried to do, but it wasn’t working. I prayed to God to help me through the storm or as I call it, my cancer journey. Throughout my cancer journey, I became stronger spiritually and started to depend more on God then on my own strength. Also, I started to change my vocabulary from I think to I will beat cancer. I started to speak words of victory every day from then on.
You can’t go into the fight, letting fear consume you, thinking negative thoughts, and expecting positive victorious results. You need to speak victory over your problems or challenges. I went through a difficult cancer journey that taught me about how having faith in God and allowing God into your life you can overcome anything. I prayed and asked God for healing from my illness and God answered my prayers. He healed me from cancer. Having faith in God, praying to God, and speaking victory over my illness allowed God to eliminate my death sentence and to give me a second chance in life.