Losing Control

During the course of chemo treatment, during my actual chemo days, I would look forward to the end of day when nothing was hooked up to me and silence filled the room.  Well, I would carry my chemo pump in a fanny pack because one of the treatments was administered over 24 hours a day, 5 days during that week.  Technically, you could say I was still hooked up, but at least it was in the comfort of my home.  I did have all the side effects so the time was not pleasant but at least I was not in public display for all to witness my unpleasant array of side effects.  During this time, I would count the number of treatments that I had completed and calculated how many to go.  I would pray for all to go according to plan.  I would tell God, okay I only have these many more treatments; therefore, please ensure that all goes well.  Of course, as I have mentioned in other blogs, things rarely would workout according to plan,timeframes or scenarios proposed by doctors.  As you all can see I was trying to control my cancer situation and dictating to God the schedules and results.  As I have come to learn more than once, that in life,sometimes there are some situations beyond our control. Regardless of what we might do, we can’t dictate the outcome of those situations.  Remembering my situation back then I laugh at myself for even thinking of trying to control everything.  Sometimes, in life and in certain difficult situations, we need to just let go and realize we can’t control everything.  It is harder to let go of control and to have unwavering faith when you don’t know what the outcome will be. Ironically having faith means having
complete trust and confidence that God will provide the best outcome for you during the difficult situation. Sometimes, you just need to relax and have faith that things will work out in accordance to God’s plan for your life.  Let go a little and just let things happen.  Let God take the wheel of your life. 

#Blind Faith