Broken

After completing the cancer treatment and receiving the great news of being cancer-free, it was a joyous moment where I felt like I had successfully climbed mount Everest.  Although, I felt happy, alive and grateful, I was not at all prepared for the aftermath of the difficult cancer battle.  

I felt elated, grateful and blessed that I was able to return to work.  I recall going through different outfits and getting ready for my first day back at work. As I walked in to work with a smile on my face, I quickly noticed that although everyone was excited that I was back and they smiled back at me, I also saw anguish, shock and concern in their expressions.  As I walked by, I could hear people starting to whisper to each other. I was so excited to be back I ignored all of that and I thought it was all in my head I must be overthinking the situation.  I was supposed to ease back into work slowly therefore, I was only going to be in the office for four hours since I was only working on a part-time basis until the doctor would tell me I was cleared to go back full-time.  Later on, I did overhear some co-workers speaking about my appearance and saying, “that poor thing.”  Hearing these words pushed my negative thoughts over the edge, I mean let’s face it I was already struggling because I was having a hard time retaining information.  Negative thoughts overwhelmed my mind questioning “did cancer break me? Am I broken”?  Well, if I was being honest with myself, I did not look the same physically as I did before my cancer battle. I mean I pretty much had a bald head, and some hair was barely growing out. I did look a bit pale and frail.  I also had lost a significant amount of weight. The negative thoughts in my mind kept asking “am I not normal anymore? Am I considered broken because I had cancer?”

Instead of letting my fears take over, I turned to my spiritual side and asked God to help me be restored physically and mentally.  After lots of prayers, I felt that I had received a response from God, telling me that I was not broken.  Yes, my mind and body needed time to heal, recuperate and to be restored from the rigorous cancer battle.  Things don’t magically change overnight from the aftermath of a cancer battle therefore, I must hold my head high and walk with a mindset of restoration and healing for this was only temporary.  God gave me the gift of life and I don’t want to waist a single minute of it.

#Healing