Feeling Like a Vampire

One exciting morning, I jumped out of bed to get ready for a fun-filled all-day chemo session that changed my experience on receiving treatment.  I had figured out all the side effects I was going to experience and mentally prepared for it.  To my surprise, new joys awaited me that caused me to be consumed with fear.  I was walking from the living room to my bedroom when I started to see whiteness from the outer side of both of my eyes.  When I looked up to the ceiling, whiteness filled my eyes and I could not see.  Did I lose my eyesight?  Was this a side effect, I couldn’t remember as I stood there in the hallway outside my room.  As thoughts were raising through my head, my mom called out to me and asked me if I was okay.  I didn’t know if I should tell her and possibly scare her as well.  I spoke out and told her, I see mostly whiteness, I can’t really see.  She remembered one of the side effects on the wonderful long list of side effects that my vision could possibly be affected with light.  She guided me into my room where the light was turned off so darkness filled the room with only a little light beaming through the edge of the curtain.

As I walked into the room, my vision started to come back.  My mom closed the door behind her and we left the light off.  My goodness gracious, my eyesight had been restored completely.  At this point, both my mom and I sighed with relief that my vision had been restored.  Guess what, this side effect decided to be an ongoing side effect for me throughout my battle with cancer.  Light was my not my friend so I got myself some diva sunglasses to confront the big bad sun.

Now, artificial light was also my foe.  My bedroom was turned into a vampire cave where the windows were covered with black paint, blinds and blackout curtains.  My room was completely pitch dark which was exactly what I needed.  When I was experiencing this particular side effect, I would stay in my cave during the day and go out at night to the rest of the house or for a joy ride.  Don’t worry, my mom drove as I did not know if any bright lights could affect my driving.  

It’s true that we are resilient as human beings.  Chemo gave me problems with my vision and I adjusted accordingly to keep going on with my battle with cancer.  From this point on, I learned that I didn’t have things figured out with my treatment and cancer.  I knew things would continue to change for me and I had to confront each battle as it presented itself.  I could not control how my body was going to react to the treatment but I could change my mindset on how I handled things.    

#positivemindset

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