The doctor shared the biopsy test results and discussed the course of action for treatment that would be taken and the less than 5% chance of surviving due to all my markers from the tests. I froze as the doctor continued to explain all the details. I did listen to all he had to say but my heart was consumed with sadness, fear and disbelief. Was this the end of my life on this earth?
I felt like I had just started my life, having just graduated from the university and starting my career. I had so much more to experience in life. My mind was overwhelmed with emotions and thoughts when I started to receive numerous hospital visitors that needed to speak with me. First, a nurse came into the room to tell me that tomorrow morning, I would be inserted a portacath. Next, came in a couple of social workers to discuss filling out paperwork for power of attorney, creating a will and other necessary paperwork to get my affairs in order. Next, came in a finance counselor to have me fill out insurance paperwork that was not filled out as I was transferred by ambulance from a hospital in a different city. Next, came in the hospital chaplain to speak to me about facing my death. I heard all the words this chaplain was speaking to me but I wasn’t listening. This person wanted for me to accept my situation and let go and verbally state that I accepted my death. I spoke the words to have them leave my room. As I verbally spoke the words, inside my mind, I said NO, NO, NO, I am going to do whatever it takes to fight this cancer.
I felt more ill than I ever had in my life, I knew the reality of my situation but something woke up inside me that told me that I needed to fight, this was not going to be the end of my story. At this point, I didn’t know how my battle with cancer was going to be, but in my heart, I knew I was not just going to accept what “Man” was telling me was going to happen. Even though, this part of me had been dormant because I “did not have time”, I believed in the Most High and that only God could determine my fate. For the first time in a long time, I turned to God and I prayed to give me life. I knew I could not go into this battle alone. I told my mother who was with me if she would pray with me because I was ready to fight.
Each person’s story is different, but if you receive grim medical information, don’t give up. I am still alive today despite the medical odds being against me. Believe, with God, all things are possible!!!
Reblogged this on Cancer: The Upside.
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