Endure Ruthless Pain

This aggressive fast-growing cancer presented itself with cold-like symptoms, but this was only the beginning of what was to come.  As the tumor grew bigger, it began to affect my breathing which required me to be placed on oxygen.  Hereafter, it felt like the tumor was hammering me internally.  It was as if I had become a boxer and was being repeatedly punched in the same area over and over again.  An excoriating pain consumed my chest, back and left side of my body.  I had never experienced this high level of pain in my entire life before. 

One particular evening, the pain was intolerable that I asked the nurse for medication to help me subside this agony.  The on-call doctor came in my room, checked my chart, checked my IV machine and asked me how I was feeling. I told her about my pain levels and how the tumor felt like it was hitting against my back.  She explained to me that I was already on morphine and that I was at the max level therefore, she could not administer anymore medication.  Internally I thought this was mind blowing news, I was already being administered the max level of pain medication? What!? But I can’t feel any sense of relief at all! It was like I was losing the boxing match and there was no referee there to stop the beating.  In an effort to lose focus on my pain, I decided to try to make myself fall asleep.  Eventually, with all the medications, I was able to fall and stay asleep and overcome this agonizing, excruciating, unbearable pain.

Pain continued to be a constant throughout my cancer battle consequently, I developed a higher pain threshold.  Before having cancer, I had never really endured pain, just your usual bumps and bruises from being active in different sports.  I learned early on in my cancer battle that if I felt like the pain was beyond a certain level then I would try to sleep it off.  In all honesty, I slept for much of my cancer battle for different reasons.  To prevent side effects from exhausting my mind and body, to endure insufferable pain and as a result of the medication being administered these are a few of the many reasons why I became “sleeping beauty”.

Up to today, I continue to experience pain.  It is the gift that keeps on giving.  Nowadays, I am more resilient in regards to pain. I have learned how to cope and live my life with pain daily.  I have also learned how to manage my pain. I have done extensive research on pain management.  As a result, I have bought many pain management tools. Portable body massagers,supplements, and the addition of turmeric among other spices to food that are linked to naturally helping reduce pain.  I also found that using an acupuncture style mat and pillow to lie on actually aids tremendously in alleviating my pain naturally.

Now a day, life may be a pain in the rear that is constantly hammering us down. No matter what type of pain you are experiencing in your life at this moment just remember life is too precious to be consumed with anger, agony and grief.  Learn how to lower your pain naturally to live a better happier more fulfilling life. We only live once, live your best life now while we are still alive.


  One thought on “Endure Ruthless Pain

  1. January 17, 2021 at 12:50 pm

    You have a beautiful, encouraging spirit. I’m so glad you started this blog 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • January 17, 2021 at 1:19 pm

      Thank you for your kind words. I felt in my heart to share my story now.

      Liked by 2 people

      • January 18, 2021 at 6:25 pm

        You are truly welcome! I know God will bless you as you are making it available for the blessing of others!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. August 9, 2022 at 7:11 am

    Reblogged this on Cancer: The Upside.


  3. August 9, 2022 at 10:24 am

    Dear Kelly, After reading this, I am more in awe of you than ever. You have not let the pain make you become bitter. You are not full of self-pity and you are a very generous, giving person. I can take lessons from you. I am so sorry you had to go through all this but see that you have come out being a beautiful person, mature and empathetic beyond your years. You have a lot to say and your blog is a perfect forum for that. May God bless you and keep you close and help with the daily pain you face. What is it like the daily pain? You are added to my prayer list but have a special place on it.🙏🙏🙏💖😍😍

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 9, 2022 at 9:59 pm

      I feel blessed to be alive and be able to live life which is my daily focus. Due to my type of cancer, my tumor ( which resides over the heart and left lung area) was inoperable therefore agressive chemo treatments and radiation were the only options to hopefully shrink the tumor and get rid of cancer if the treatments themselves didn’t end my life first in the process of trying to save it. Of course thanks to God the treatments worked and I got a second chance to live. However the aftermath from the agressive chemo and radiation treatments is no walk in the park. I have scarring all over my body, severe dry throat, some loss of smell, constant non stop pain and the residual (of tumor) which continue to cause a lingering constant pain on my left side of my body. Also, it doesn’t help that I tend to want to sleep on this side. Changes in the weather such as rain increases my pain levels. When I experience higher levels of pain, people think I’m mad or sad. Nobody knows the internal anguish that I am going through. Every day is different and I have to work very hard to keep a pocker face so that no one sees my pain. Despite all this anguish I wholeheartedly feel blessed to be alive and I am excited when I have better days which are lower pain days.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. August 10, 2022 at 1:44 pm

    My God, Kelly, dear heart!!! You have SO much to deal with that people don’t even know about. With all the people close to me dying of cancer, none of them had this kind of thing. At the end, of course, there was pain and morphine but I don’t know anyone who has to deal with this much pain and anguish all the time. And you keep it to yourself. So many people, myself included, complain to those around them/me about the pain. Again I see you as a heroine!!! I am very happy you have good days, too. You can complain to me. I will listen. May God bless you with many, many more good days than bad❗🙏🙏💖💖


  5. August 11, 2022 at 8:17 am

    Thank you for the insightful posts on your journey. My just heart breaks for the pain described. You have a wonderful outlook and words.
    Have a great day! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 11, 2022 at 9:35 am

      Hi Hannah thank you so much for your kind words of understanding encouragement and support. I truly appreciate you. Also I to welcome you to my blog. Hope you continue to enjoy it. Have a wonderful day! 😊❤🙏

      Liked by 2 people

  6. September 6, 2022 at 9:17 am

    You are marvelous and so courageous! I love what you said about life being too precious to be consumed with anger, agony and grief. Brilliant. May God bless you – may Jesus heal you and restore you to perfect painfree health.

    Liked by 2 people

    • September 13, 2022 at 8:13 am

      Thank you so much Stephanie for all your kind words of support, encouragement, and wellness blessings. Very appreciative. Many blessings to you always.

      Liked by 1 person

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