Reflection of one’s life can happen for a variety of reasons. For me personally, after I was diagnosed with cancer, I sat down and evaluated my life and my current state of mind. I was miserable due to having the fear of dying constantly in the pit of my stomach. Did I want to continue in this negative mental state throughout my cancer battle or did I want to change my mindset and have a more positive outlook towards my future. During this thought process, I started to remember other people’s comments on my cancer including reactions from some medical professionals. After the second round of chemo, the doctor requested for me to go to imaging and get a CT scan to find out if the tumor was shrinking. When I went for the imaging, I came across a very young technician, who appeared to be full of positive and upbeat energy. After he explained the process of obtaining the scan, I laid down on the table and went through the process. Once the scan was over, I observed the same young positive upbeat technician come into the room and there was a drastic change in attitude. He couldn’t bear to look me in the eye, he was stuttering when speaking and had a terrified look on his face. To be candid, we were around the same age and I felt bad for him as I witnessed his reaction to my scan. I told him, that it was going to be okay, I knew about the tumor, hence the bald head. As soon as I said this, I heard him sigh with relief and said “oh I am so sorry”. I told him I am alive today and I am fighting to stay that way. This scan was to determine if my tumor was shrinking. He gave me a half smile and told me good luck and we parted ways. His perspective of my life was based on the scan; therefore, it was doom and gloom, misery and death. For me, this scan meant hope that my tumor might be shrinking at the rate we were seeking, and that I had a future ahead.
Are you letting loved ones, friends or strangers’ opinions of you and the way you live your life determine the outcome of your future? Don’t let others determine your self-worth or tell you how your life will turn out, be your own judge. For this reason, when I self-reflected, I decided that I wasn’t going to let others or my fears determine my outcome in life. In all honesty, I did feel broken internally therefore, I prayed for God to give me the strength to overcome this terrible storm in my life and for it to be temporary. At this moment in my life, all I had was my faith that my life would turn around and to be patient in this affliction. I let go of my fears, released them onto to God for they were hard to bare alone and I focused on living in the moment each day, especially on my good days. I focused on my outcome of beating cancer and living my life. What outcome are you seeking in this stage of your life? Reflect on your past, know where you are going because life is not a race, but a beautiful journey to be savored each step of the way.