Darkness and Despair

During my cancer battle, I experienced countless moments of sadness, depression and great despair.  My world felt like it was falling apart and nothing was going right in my cancer battle.  Desirable results were not in my forecast and darkness surrounded me during these phases in my journey.  Feelings of despair consumed me to the core of my body.  I felt like there was always a dark cloud over me.

Despite my best efforts to have a positive attitude, the side effects of the treatment and lack of positive outcomes would overwhelm me. This allowed the negative thoughts and feelings to consume me.  Upon reflection of all of my experiences in life, I have come to terms that it’s normal to have negative thoughts and feelings under regular circumstances. However, the negative thoughts and feelings are exponentially magnified, when undergoing chemo and radiation treatments.  The treatments would cause chemical imbalances in my mind and body and feeling of great sadness would overtake me.  I have realized now that I am only human therefore, I didn’t have control over how the treatment was going to affect me.  What I have discovered is how to manage these feelings and side effects.  I have learned how to use meditation, prayer, conversations, entertainment and exercise to help me overcome these phases in my cancer battle.  Staying in a negative head space would affect me in continuing to overcome my cancer.  I had to find an outlet to release all the negativity and darkness out of my body and know that these problems that I was facing would come to pass.  I needed to keep my faith that victories were coming.  At times, being able to make the next chemo treatment was a victory in itself because of what I was facing.  Being able to wake up another day was another huge victory for me due to the circumstances.  I always remember the saying “it is always darkest before dawn” which means there is always hope even in the worst of circumstances. Focus on your victories and count your blessings, it helps keep a positive mindset and positive outcomes.

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.”  Psalm 23:4

#Victory