Impending Doom Feeling

Articles regarding suicides continue to circulate as we continue to overcome obstacles on an individual basis as well as in all humanity.  Pain can cripple our footsteps of life.  Whether it’s physical or mental or a combination of both, pain can wear anyone down despite how strong we may think we are.  Obstacles in life may bring us to our knees and we may not see a way out of the storm. I understand how it is to feel overwhelmed and lost and unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Due to the aggressive chemo and radiation treatments during my cancer battle, I physically and emotionally hit rock bottom and thought to myself what is the use of fighting so hard, I should just let go.  

Although, I consider myself to be a strong woman warrior, the cancer treatment caused strong side effects of sadness, depression and anxiety.  All new symptoms that I had never experienced before.  At the beginning, I kept these feelings to myself and didn’t understand what was happening to me.  I felt as if the weight of the world rested on my shoulders. I thought no one would ever understand what I was going through. Honestly, I thought about giving up many times. Thankfully, God send me an angel which was my mom. She saw the pain in my eyes and kept pushing me to talk about what was bothering me.  I was reluctant at first trying to pretend and say everything was fine. She kept checking on me and insisting that I unburden myself to her over and over until she wore me down. I finally broke down and spoke to her about all my thoughts, emotions, and fears.  Speaking the words out loud regarding my inner darkest thoughts, emotions and fears made me feel as if the weight of the world that I had been carrying alone for so long was slowly being lifted off my shoulders. The more I expressed my feeling of impending doom the more I felt at ease until suddenly I felt light as a feather and hopeful of a possible future. 

Although my physical and mental pain continue to be part of my everyday life sharing that with someone makes the burden bearable. Before you make any drastic or permanent decision, reach out to loved ones, to a stranger, anyone, just reach out for help.  Remember you are NOT alone. There are lots of people all over the world that have gone through or are going through the same or similar challenges that you are experiencing in life. It may not feel like it, but trust me, better days are ahead. The pain and impending sense of doom you are feeling are only temporary, but death is final and forever.



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