During my cancer battle, when my chemo regime was changed to be administered over the course of five days, I would start to feel weaker every day, but nothing compared to the days following that week.  When my mom, who was my caregiver, would ask me how do you feel?  I did not know how to explain in words, the discomfort, pain, headaches, and weakness that were a result of trying to handle the side effects of nausea, vomiting, infections, and so on.  During these days, I did hope for a miracle pill that I could take that would make it all go away.  Of course, I did take some pain killers from time to time when it got so unbearable that I couldn’t handle it on my own anymore. The pain killers would cause me to sleep for a while before my body would rudely awaken me to deal with my ailments (side effects) from the chemo.  Other times, it was my mom who would wake me up and tell me that I needed to make sure to drink my water and eat.  Although, I did not want to listen, I knew that it was necessary.  Reflecting back, on everything that happened to me back then I now realize once again what a blessing it was having a caregiver during that time which was my mom because I did not have the energy or the strength to do anything for myself.  Due to experiencing extreme sensitivity to light during the chemo treatment, I was forced to be confined to a cave-like room which had to be very dark and cool. This was the only way for me to be able to cope with extremely challenging days.  All, I wanted to do, was be shielded from the rest of the world in this makeshift cave like room as I mustered up the strength to endure the horrible side effects.  It was not that I was not grateful for the love and companionship from my close friends and relatives, on the contrary just knowing that they were there for me gave me the courage to keep fighting for my life. Unfortunately, due to the intensity of the side effects I did not have the energy to put on my brave face to see or talk to anyone.  I barely had just enough energy to fight through this phase that occurred over and over again after each chemo treatment.  Honestly, at the beginning of my chemo treatments since my body had not experienced anything like it before I felt I had more strength to overcome the side effect, however as I received more chemo treatments, it became harder and harder to handle the side effects.  The only person who truly experienced all those dreadful days with me was my mom as my caregiver.  I say this because, after being cancer free, I learned that she saw my pain and how difficult it was for me to handle everything.  Of course, seeing this caused her to feel an immense pain as well because she felt helpless knowing that there was nothing, she could do to take away my suffering.  I assured her that the way she cared for me with such loving way was all I needed to motivate me to keep going.  At the end of the day that was all anyone could do because the fight against cancer was mine alone. However, knowing that I had God, my mom and all my loved ones by my side gave me the strength and courage to never give up.


  One thought on “Solitude

  1. August 2, 2022 at 8:43 am

    Oh my !! Kelly it is so important to know how someone feels going through chemo. It is a privilege to read your memories. I am so glad you had a loving care giver in your Mum. Your sharing is precious. Take care always.🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🤗❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    • August 2, 2022 at 9:01 am

      Awww thank you so much Sandy for always making my day brighter with your kind sweet words of encouragement and support. They really help me to keep blogging about my experiences during my cancer battle and after. Sending you many blessings prayers and hugs. 🙏🙏🙏🤗🤗🤗🤗♥️♥️

      Liked by 1 person

      • August 2, 2022 at 9:31 am

        Not everyone knows how to sat it. Who knows we may need to know for ourselves or as carers so q big thank you.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. August 6, 2022 at 5:59 am

    As a mother myself, I know it must have been dreadful for your Mum to watch but she wouldn’t have been anywhere else nor wanted to be. Such a struggle Kelly, you’re a warrior.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 6, 2022 at 8:22 pm

      Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement and support. I really appreciate it. 😊🙏❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. August 7, 2022 at 9:30 am

    So much hardship so young. You are heroic in my eyes. Thank God for your Mom but you were the hero here… just going through what sounds to me like hell. May God continue to help you through the suffering you still have to endure! 😍❣️🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 7, 2022 at 5:10 pm

      Awww Ellen you are so sweet. Thank you for all your kindness and support. It means the world to me. I truely appreciate you. Many blessings to you and your husband always. 🙏🙏🙏🤗🤗❤

      Liked by 1 person

  4. August 11, 2022 at 1:09 pm

    My eyes are still in tears. Your each word reminded me my mom who is no more in this world 😭😭 how she boldly faced each situation whenever I passed through severe problems and treatment. I can very closely understand yours and your Mom’s pain. Only Mothers in this world are true warriors. 🤍💙

    Liked by 2 people

    • August 11, 2022 at 1:32 pm

      Hi Buds of Wisdom I am sorry to learn that your mom is no longer in this world. I understand your pain completely as my mom is no longer in this world either. I was truely blessed to have her when I needed her the most. I agree with you 100% when you say that only Mothers in this world are true warriors. Thank you so much for your kind words of wisdom encouragement and support. I truly appreciate it.♥️♥️😥


  5. August 14, 2022 at 10:01 am

    On dear, I feel your pain.your sharing is precious .Take care .

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 14, 2022 at 10:04 am

      Thank you so much for all your kind words and support. Really appreciate it.

      Liked by 1 person

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